eleven

Goosebumps.

~

 Today has been rough as fuck, and I choose to blame it on the retrograde of Mercury. First, I had my very first bootcamp class at 6AM this morning, which wasn't bad at all. Tough, but not bad. I made myself a green smoothie and had a bunch of other vegan/plant things afterward while I binge watched the entire season 2 of Life Unexpected on the couch for hours on end. However, towards the final episodes (around 2-3) I started getting extra weepy and it only intensified until I opened my bottle of Sauvignon Blanc halfway through the final episode...wait, saying "until" implies that it may have gotten better, which is not the case at all. 

Rather, I should have said I got weepy, and then got catastrophic (exaggeration, please feel me) when I decided to twist open my cheap bottle of wine. I knew I needed to cry, and I knew wine would fuel that fire. I guess I just started feeling so goddamn lonely. The one and only single fucking person I want to talk to barely talks to me. My oldest and dearest friends are finally in arms reach of me, but I can't see them because I'm a mess. I'm a high-level anxiety freak at the moment, and who wants to spend time with that? I don't even want to spend time with that. 

~

Update: I hung out with friends and I felt better, I may have gotten a little too fucked up but nothing bad happened and I'm fiiiinnneee. It was the first time I've cried in a long time so I'm giving myself a break. We rapped Nicki the whole way home and I hung out of the sun roof, embracing the wind and drunken feeling of fearlessness.