seven

Today has been less than great. First, I woke up at 7 AM, which I wasn't excited about because it's summer and I just wanted to sleep in, so I forced myself to sleep in until 11. Then I decided to go downtown Dallas to do some shooting, but that ended shortly as I was catcalled on nearly ever corner. It was frustrating. Luckily, I found a little hiding spot on top of a parking garage at the last minute. It was a little dog park that had a few benches so I sat there and read The Bell Jar for a little bit for I went home. 

~

Taking pictures, especially when it comes to street photography, is really something I enjoy doing alone or with DF, only because I'm more comfortable with him. So the fact that I can't feel safe doing something that I love alone, is bothersome. I truly enjoy being alone sometimes, mostly when it comes to personal hobbies like reading or photography or writing. 

When people see what I'm taking pictures of, especially if it's not edited, it makes me feel like they are in my mind and I can't stand it. Writing too, which is mostly why I've posted and deleted links to this blog several times. Part of me wants to let people into my life and mind, but there's a bigger part of me that won't allow it. So, if you're reading this that either means I trust you and/or you care enough to pay attention to the things I post and are genuinely interested, and for that I thank you, and also apologize for my tendency to run and hide.

 I have a big fear of commitment, I've learned. If I say I'm going to do something, there's a big chance I won't do it. However, if I keep the thought minimally private, there's a greater chance I'll actually go through with it. This blog, for instance, I told a two people that I'm close to that I would do it, and I have, but then I made an instagram post about it. The minute I did that, the less I wanted to go through with it. I said I would post a link, and I did a couple of times, but there is something about making this so easily accessible that I don't like. I've personally given the link to this blog to the two people I talked to about it, DF and Savannah. Savannah has a blog herself so I won't be surprised if she reads this (love you), DF on the other hand I know doesn't care as much so I'm not worried about him reading this, anyone else who looks at this will be a complete mystery though, which simultaneously bothers and entices me. Anyway, I've completely forgotten where I was going with this in the first place, so I'm going to stop myself now.